To Tell or Not to Tell

So you’re in a long distance relationship; a strong, long term, long distance relationship. While you’re going about your daily business, you see other people and their significant others together…happy. Then one day, for the first time, someone asks you if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And you stumble on your words and think “My God, what will they think of me?” or “What a rude question. It’s none of their business!”

But you can’t just ignore whoever it is asking the question. So you need to figure out if you care what they might think or not. Answering “Yes” will bring about a series of questions, so be prepared to answer them if you want to be truthful. Who is it? What’s s/he like? Where is s/he from? You met where? How do you know this isn’t some like 50 year old fat pervert? How do you know s/he isn’t cheating? Have you even ever met face to face? What does your family think? Are you going to move there?  I could seriously write a book!

If you aren’t truthful (and you don’t have to be) you need to be prepared to answer the questions that follow. Why not? Have you ever dated before? What kinds of people do you like? I have a friend, do you want to meet? Do you want to go out with me? Why don’t you go out and have fun? Do you spend all your time alone? I’ve heard them all. They all suck.

Even in today’s age of technology people are still wary of those who are in long distance relationships. We see commercials for Match.com and even specific sites like ChristianMingle.com and BlackPeopleMeet.com all the time, but it is still a new idea for most people to meet an actual person through the internet and to fall in love with them, even if the two people aren’t physically together. Some of them are the naysayers that need a physical attraction to fall in love and hate those that can’t, others are more open minded and are willing to accept the idea, even though they wouldn’t do it themselves. And that’s more than okay, because long distance relationships are not for everyone. 

If you are in a long distance relationship and you haven’t “come out” or been asked specifically about it, now is the time to think about what your answers to some possible questions might be, and how much you are willing to tell. Yes, it is nobody’s business what your love life entails, and if you feel strongly this way you’re going to have to risk being an ass and just saying “Yes/No, I’d rather not talk about that as it’s a personal matter.” If it’s an acquaintance they’ll more than likely understand, albeit be a bit hurt/embarrassed at their prying. If it’s a friend, they may push and prod for answers. And if its family, they will certainly be hurt and angry that you aren’t sharing that kind of information with them. But it’s ultimately up to you and the kind of grief you want to put yourself in.

Me? I used to hide it when I was a lot younger. I was 13 when I met my fiancée and we got “together” two days before my 14^th birthday. Being young, I knew that it wouldn’t be as socially acceptable as it is now that I’m 21, and when I finally did come out to more than my best friend, I received a LOT of nasty and rude comments about it. He’s fake. What a loser. I’ll bet its some pervert child molester. I’ll bet he cheats on you. You know, the same kind of mean comments kids make to each other, but on a different topic other than how fat or ugly I was.

Because I’ve gone through the questioning and the interrogations, I know the answer to pretty much any question curious people can come up with. And it’s okay, I like answering questions and educating people and sharing that side of me. Fuck, I’m in love! When you’re in love you want everyone to know! Especially in social settings when “players” think they have a shot with you. It’s nice to be able to say “I’m spoken for” and leave it at that and enjoy the rest of your night. Some assholes might have negative comments like premature adolescents, but most people are polite.

In fact, most people are excited to hear about my tales. I suppose that is why I started this blog. There is a lot more to a long distance relationship than just a few superficial “ily” text messages and “cyber sex.” They are fascinated with the places I’ve been and seen and the kind of food I’ve eaten and people I’ve met…and I love sharing it.

Don’t be hurt by other’s opinions of your personal life…it’s YOUR life. But don’t assume the worst in people either. Yes there are assholes, but the ones who are genuinely interested and are excited for your happiness make all the different in the world…

Stay strong and love on!