Are You Taking Things Too Fast?

If you have to ask the question “Am I taking things too fast?” then you probably are. A majority of us know the excitement of getting a new boy/girlfriend, especially if it’s your first or if you’ve been single for a looooooong time. But let me give you a piece of very good advice: Take. Your. Time. Nothing screams bad relationship like two people going all out and saying those three words after only knowing each other for a week.

First, ask yourself what you want. If you are going for just a fling, make that clear to your partner and never veer off course. If you are looking for love and a long term relationship, also make that clear to your partner, but only after you’ve made it clear to yourself AFTER getting to know the person you are interested in. Why? Every good romantic relationship starts out as a friendship. You HAVE to be friends before you can be lovers, else there will be disaster.

Let me introduce you to my friends, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Ever heard of them? They’re the chemicals in our bodies that release during…romantic activity…that make you feel in love. That butterflies in the stomach, nervous, happy, and thrilling feeling you get that makes you think “this could be the one.” But shouldn’t we trust our bodies when it comes to this? Isn’t this a sign that we have found true love? Well, not exactly. Consider it a form of species survival. It is only natural to want to procreate because nature wants our lineage to continue. Therefore, our bodies crave the ecstatic feelings of romance so that we can pass on our genes and continue the circle of life.

Well, it’s not 10,000 BC anymore and we’re a bit evolved to where we don’t need to just hop into any person’s arms for the sake of having offspring. So what you have now is a scumbag brain that just confuses everything we have made mating out to be. That’s okay, though, as long as you’re able to conquer your brain and use it to your advantage.

After you know what you want, you need to tell promise yourself that you will take the time your future relationship needs to get to know your person and become their friend before mutually moving on. Learn their name, where they live and grew up, where they went to school, their favorite types of music and movies, how they feel on certain controversial and political issues, their religion or lack thereof, their favorite food, their hobbies…everything! How can you love someone when you do not know anything about them? How can you love someone even if you took five minutes to ask these things but have only known them for a week? Two weeks? A month?

Read this, reread this, and then read it again: If your friendship cannot last, neither will your romantic relationship. You need to learn how to distinguish love and lust. Acting upon your lust will make you falsely feel in love. When that happens, you’re just entering into a world of misery. Don’t do it. Ignore your bodies primal instinct and drive to mate. Be evolved, and take all the time in the world to get to know your interest before engaging in any romance. If they push and urge you to do it, get out. Because they aren’t on the same wavelength as you and they never will be. Likewise, you need to respect their decisions as well.

Above all else, if you find yourself in bed with someone you met a week or two ago, don’t expect a long term romantic relationship. You can expect heartache, though. Because now your body believes it’s in love with someone you don’t even know. You do not need physical touch to fall in love.

Stay strong and love on!