In this world, it’s no doubt that the Internet has
controlled our lives. Social media is growing stronger every day, and it is
estimated that 955 MILLION people have active Facebook accounts, all around the
world. A new dating website pops up what seems to be every hour, and through
the media and peer pressure, people as young as 10 feel it necessary to be in a
relationship. But even though we might be connected to the world, it is
important to understand why dating someone on the other side of the planet might
not be all it’s cracked up to be.
PDA and Intimacy: If you’re like most people, public displays of affection can be hard to see if
you are single. It can be even harder to see if you indeed have a special
someone but are just too far away to enjoy simple intimate moments. A LOT
of people need to feel and touch each other, need to see their facial expressions,
see into their eyes, use body language to express themselves…simply be
TOGETHER.
It’s definitely no surprise that you can’t do this when
you’re in a long distance relationship. You can’t walk or drive to your lover’s
house, you sometimes can’t even pick up the phone and just call them, lest you
be left with a staggering phone bill. If you are someone who needs to SEE and
BE with that special someone, I’m going to tell you right now that Skype is
nothing in comparison. You might be able to see them, but that’s all you can
do. And depending on the quality of internet and webcam, you might end up
just having to have a broken voice conversation or spend all night staring at
blurry pixels.
Time: FACT: Relationships take time. Any good relationship starts
off with talking and develops first into a friendship and then to romance. In
my opinion, this natural, face-to-face relationship “course” should take AT
LEAST 6 months to reach the maturity of a relationship (where you decide if
this is someone you want to be seriously involved with). Long distance
relationships, however, take a lot more time to go through these stages. For
me, it took an entire year of talking, getting to know each other, and actually
falling in love. It wasn’t until 3 years into our relationship that I
personally decided he was the one for me.
Because you can’t be with someone, it takes you longer to
get to know them. You don’t always have the pleasure of just seeing them. You
have to wait until they’re available (mind the time zones) and even then they
might have things going on or just not have the time to talk. Sometimes you’ll
have time to talk for hours every day, and other times you might only hear from
them a few times a week. In order to build a strong relationship, you have to know
them, and talking is the only way to do that.
Cheating &
Getting Hit On: This is a big one for a lot of people, especially those who
don’t care for long distance relationships. Time and time again when someone
asked about my boyfriend I would hear: “Well how do you know he’s not cheating
on you? I’ll bet he is!!” To which I calmly shook my head and let it pass.
First of all, if you’ve followed the natural time frame of getting to know your
long distance SO, you should be able to know if they are cheating on you or
not. SHOULD.
Yes, the naysayers are correct. You can NEVER know…but, then
again, neither can your partner. Relationships take faith, even your
run-of-the-mill in-person relationships. It is in my experience that those who
are dedicated to their long distance relationship are also devoted to their SO.
Why put so much work into something when you’re just going to fool around in
person with someone else? It’s too much trouble for some, and most couldn’t
even fathom the thought (you know, morals?).
That being said, it is also important to remember that you
also cannot stray (unless you are both in open relationships, but that’s a
whole other story). We’ve ALL felt this: You’re single and nobody pays any bit
of attention to you. You’re in a relationship and the mob forms in your favor.
What?! Well, yeah. It’s no different, and might even be harder for those of us
in long distant relationships because we can’t say “I’m here with my
boy/girlfriend.” We LOOK single but ARE in a relationship…for some, that is
just sexy as hell and they’ll do whatever it takes to get you in bed for a one
night stand. If they find out you’re in a long distant relationship, they’ll
play that to their advantage.
My advice? Go out with a good friend who is willing to play
your SO, never mention to random people that you are in a long distance
relationship, and NEVER listen to them if they find out. Keep your priorities
in line, because this can be one of the hardest things for people craving the
warmth and touch of another.
Friends, Family &
Support: This is a biggie. Many people who have in person
relationships have tons of support from their family and friends. After all,
you can show off your SO, mix and mingle your own friends, introduce your
family…anything! You can get real opinions about them, your best friend can see
things you can’t, your family can approve or disapprove. This is NOT the case
in a long distance relationship.
Most of the time, and this is the sad truth, nobody will
support you. If you share this information willingly you WILL get stares, you
WILL get laughs, people WILL talk about you behind your back, and you WILL get
labeled everything under the sun. Your own family might doubt you. Your friends will try to convince you that you somehow “deserve better.” Despite all
of this, though, a few people will pull through for you. These ones are worth
their weight in gold and are few and far between.
So before you decide that you would like to start a long
distance relationship with anyone, consider these factors. It may be years between
seeing your SO, and a computer is not that much of a loving piece of hardware.
Long distance relationships work for so many, but can ruin others’ lives. If
you are on the fence about this, seriously consider what I’ve written today and
take as long as you need to make that decision, nobody is rushing you.
Stay strong and love on!
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