Why You Need Breathing Room

After a long time away from your significant other, the feeling of finally being back in their arms is nothing short of ecstatic. But as time passes, you might find yourself irritable, on edge or just not “you.” How, though? You’re with your love, why has the bliss changed?

It hasn’t, and neither have you. What has happened is what I like to call “over-saturation,” where you’ve literally binged on your relationship and togetherness. Remember that one time you did that crazy diet where you absolutely could not eat your favorite food? And then when the diet was over you loaded up like crazy? Well, that had consequences, didn’t it? This is no different.

After being away from each other, it’s no doubt that you both want to spend every waking moment together. I could see a few days, maybe a week or two, but anything beyond that will result in feelings going downhill. My advice? Get some alone time. Not in the manner of “I hate your guts, get away from me,” but as in “I need to collect myself.” This isn’t to say that the hating of the guts won’t happen. If you don’t get your alone time before you burst, it will happen, and it will be ugly. But that is another story.

Alone time can come in all forms. For me, it came in the form of my fiancée leaving for college classes. But then the classes ended, and I needed to find new ways to keep my sanity. Sometimes this came through doing laundry, cooking, doing dishes, or showering. Anything that got my brain to relax and focus on something other than my relationship actually helped our relationship grow stronger through the time we were together. Sometimes I didn’t even need to leave the room to find my own mind. Many nights we spent with each other but doing our own thing. I would be on my computer working on projects or browsing Pinterest or Facebook and he would be doing the same thing or gaming.

It’s not about a problem in a relationship that you need time to yourself; it’s about recognizing the need for alone time and satisfying that need before you suffer the consequences of over-saturation. Of course, anyone who lives together for an extended period of time needs alone time. I assume this is how married couples also keep their sanity. At this point, though, I see no difference between the married and dating status in my own relationship. I guess seven years with someone can have that effect.

So any way you find your peace of mind, keep it and hold onto it. You are your own person, no matter how much you feel as one with your SO. Remember that is takes two to tango.

Stay strong and love on!

Why You Should Never Get Back Together. Like, Ever.

We all have that one friend who just can’t stay in a stable relationship. They hop around from mate to mate and switch and mix and match and go back and forth and upside down and twist and turn…er, that might be a roller coaster. Same thing. Being someone who’s seen many people go through this has led me to one conclusion…

If they weren’t “the one” the first time, they won’t be the “one the” second time! (Or third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc, etc.)

Picture this: Jess dates Billy for a year. Jess and Billy have confessed their never-ending love for each other but…DUN DUN DUNNNNNN, the worst happens and Billy just isn’t in love with Jess like he thought he was. So he breaks up with her. He spends a month or two without her and realizes he has an emptiness in his life. So on his knees he begs for forgiveness, confesses his love for Jess and she takes him back. She does.

A month later, Jess realizes she is focusing too much on her relationship and social life and needs some “Jess time” to get her life in order and focus on her education and career. So Jess breaks up with Billy. Months go by and Billy finds himself a few different girlfriends, unknown that Jess has been paying attention. She longs for what the girls have and apologizes, begging for Billy to take her back. He does.

This goes on a lot in their relationship for the next few months, Each one finds a reason to leave the other and then wants to go back. What you have here is not a case of love and indecisiveness, but a case of addiction and fear. Addiction to having an SO and fear of being single. It isn’t that these two don’t love each other, that could very well be a factor. But their love for each other never was, is not, and never will be the kind of love soul mates share. They may love the other as a sibling, a crush, or simply as the role they are playing, in this case, boy/girlfriend.

This isn’t to say the ones who break up and get back together constantly don’t get married. Because they do, and I’ve seen it happen numerous times. But, like their relationship before saying their vows, their marriage is short lived and either ends in divorce or unofficial separation. Is this any way to live? I can’t imagine how it would be to constantly be “in and out of love,” especially when children might be involved down the line.

The key to living a long and purpose-driven life is to be happy. Some people are happy being miserable, I understand this. But if you are one of the few whom like being happy…don’t settle for a roller coaster relationship. Because if you or your partner isn’t worth the time and energy to stick it out and solve your problems, you both don’t really love each other the way it was intended.

I am not religious, but there are many things to be said about love. None are as true as this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13 4-8

If you cannot say that your love has persevered and has never failed, you need to move on until you find someone worth keeping and who holds you with the same regard.

Stray strong and love on!

Why People Say Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work

Browsing the internet and listening to people talk in person can bring about many different spectrums and beliefs about people in long distance relationships and long distance relationships alone. One of the most common things I see and hear is that “Long distance relationships r a load of crok!” “If u hve a internet bf or gf ur a loser! Get a lyfe!” Not only does it pain me to see such grammatical errors, but it also hurts to see just how ignorant and intolerant most others are about something that doesn’t affect them in the least. So why do they both even forming an opinion? Why do they hate long distance relationships and those who are in them? I’ll tell you why.

My name is John and I hate every single one of you.

All memes and jokes aside, this is John. John hates you, and John hates the internet. John spends his days moping and worrying about when he’s going to get his next alcohol fix and why his babe is taking so long to text him back. He spends his nights bumming off other people, getting drunk, starting fights, and getting his bitch to blow him, because…you know, shit is SO cash.

John worries about swag and how fast his girlfriend-of-a-week’s fake tan is fading. He has no room in his mind to consider anything other than the front of his nose, no matter how faded his vision might be. He is superficial, shallow, and most importantly…a Guido.

John is the kind of person who hates people in long distance relationships. He is one of many who think they have life figured out. These people who spread so much hate around the world have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about what even normal relationships entail. Love, to them, is a four letter word they use to get their partner in bed.  Love is something they call the lust they have for another. Heartbreak is something they experience when their partner moves on to someone who’s “way totally fresh” and has “so much more swag.” Down on their luck is when they find themselves out of their allowance money for the week so now they have to call a friend who they “so dissed” last week and beg for forgiveness and offer to go celebrating on the other’s tab.

The simple reason for why most of these people do not accept, tolerate, or understand REAL long distance relationships is that because of their own selfishness and shallowness, they are unable to experience the same happiness they see us in.

It’s not about “having a life” or “being totally cool, bro,” but for the fact that they hate to see other people happy. Those of us in long distance relationships have something they might never find until they get their act together and realize they’re not fooling anyone. They hate because we can love without being physical. They hate because we can have a conversation with our boyfriends or girlfriends without it turning into a drunken argument about wearing condoms. They hate because we don’t.

And then there are those who have experienced a long distance relationship when it wasn’t meant for them. They did not consider all of the factors and jumped into something much too “out there” for them to handle. For one reason or another, it didn’t work out and they’re stuck in a world where if it didn’t work for them, it can’t work for anyone else. They’re hatred is much like John’s…but they are more likely than not your run-of-the-mill productive member of society.

There are many other reasons people hate LDR’s and those in them. But there’s nothing wrong with loving…

Stay strong and love on!