We all have
that one friend who just can’t stay in a stable relationship. They hop around
from mate to mate and switch and mix and match and go back and forth and upside
down and twist and turn…er, that might be a roller coaster. Same thing. Being
someone who’s seen many people go through this has led me to one conclusion…
If they
weren’t “the one” the first time, they won’t be the “one the” second time! (Or
third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc, etc.)
Picture
this: Jess dates Billy for a year. Jess and Billy have confessed their never-ending
love for each other but…DUN DUN DUNNNNNN, the worst happens and Billy just isn’t
in love with Jess like he thought he was. So he breaks up with her. He spends a
month or two without her and realizes he has an emptiness in his life. So on
his knees he begs for forgiveness, confesses his love for Jess and she takes
him back. She does.
A month later,
Jess realizes she is focusing too much on her relationship and social life and
needs some “Jess time” to get her life in order and focus on her education and
career. So Jess breaks up with Billy. Months go by and Billy finds himself a
few different girlfriends, unknown that Jess has been paying attention. She
longs for what the girls have and apologizes, begging for Billy to take her
back. He does.
This goes on
a lot in their relationship for the next few months, Each one finds a reason to
leave the other and then wants to go back. What you have here is not a case of
love and indecisiveness, but a case of addiction and fear. Addiction to having
an SO and fear of being single. It isn’t that these two don’t love each other,
that could very well be a factor. But their love for each other never was, is
not, and never will be the kind of love soul mates share. They may love the other
as a sibling, a crush, or simply as the role they are playing, in this case,
boy/girlfriend.
This isn’t
to say the ones who break up and get back together constantly don’t get
married. Because they do, and I’ve seen it happen numerous times. But, like
their relationship before saying their vows, their marriage is short lived and
either ends in divorce or unofficial separation. Is this any way to live? I can’t
imagine how it would be to constantly be “in and out of love,” especially when
children might be involved down the line.
The key to
living a long and purpose-driven life is to be happy. Some people are happy
being miserable, I understand this. But if you are one of the few whom like
being happy…don’t settle for a roller coaster relationship. Because if you or
your partner isn’t worth the time and energy to stick it out and solve your
problems, you both don’t really love each other the way it was intended.
I am not
religious, but there are many things to be said about love. None are as true as
this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13 4-8
If you cannot say that your love has persevered and has never
failed, you need to move on until you find someone worth keeping and who holds you
with the same regard.
Stray strong and love on!
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