Man (and Woman’s) Best Friend

I’d like to take today to briefly talk about something near and dear to my heart: animals. More specifically, my dogs. 

When I was growing up, our house was nothing short of hectic. We had family members going in and out when I was a lot younger, my parents worked a lot, we had a pool, went camping a lot, had house renovations done frequently…so it’s not a surprise that a family of 6 in a tight fitting house with a lot going on wouldn’t have the money, time, or resources to take in another member. Being an adult is a different story, though, and I can’t imagine my life without my dogs.

I’m an animal lover. Every animal on this planet is a beautiful and precious gift (except for, you know, baboons and those freaky looking prehistoric fish). What most gets me about dogs, however, is their unconditional love. Their ability to find joy and happiness in this world when their world might be cold, sick, and starved is amazing to me. And the fact that people can abandon and brutally abuse their dog makes me sick to my stomach.

There’s a lot of gore on the internet today. A LOT. Despite how disgusting and perhaps morally wrong a picture of a guy with a smashed skull is, it doesn’t bother me. Perhaps it’s the many years I’ve spent online and the probably billions of things I’ve seen, but I don’t have a problem with human gore. What really gets under my skin is animal gore. It is one thing to brutally murder a man who knows what is going on and has some ability to defend himself. It is another thing to torture and kill an animal that has no clue what is going on and why he is in so much pain, has no means to defend himself or talk his way out of the torture, and in most cases will never find justice for his death.

Anyone who attacks or just abandons an animal for any reason is nothing but a coward, and that is why the world needs more people who adopt animals. More often than not, these hurt and alone creatures end up in our local dog pound to sit until they are taken or...well, you know. If you have a home that can take in an animal, you should. Heal a broken heart and give an animal a second chance on life…adopt or foster today!! It’s the most rewarding experience!

I’ll leave you today with our babies…and would love to see yours!

This is Rory, our newest addition to the family. He's the sweetest little Dalmador (dalmation/lab)! About 3 months old and the most lovable thing you could ever ask for.

This is Beauregard (aka BoBo). He's a 4 year old, laid back and easy going lab/collie and the apple of my eye. (:

This is Carlie, my parent's dog. She's a 1 year old lab/hound and probably the smartest (and strongest) dog I've ever seen. 

Stay strong and love on!

Why You Should Never Get Back Together. Like, Ever.

We all have that one friend who just can’t stay in a stable relationship. They hop around from mate to mate and switch and mix and match and go back and forth and upside down and twist and turn…er, that might be a roller coaster. Same thing. Being someone who’s seen many people go through this has led me to one conclusion…

If they weren’t “the one” the first time, they won’t be the “one the” second time! (Or third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc, etc.)

Picture this: Jess dates Billy for a year. Jess and Billy have confessed their never-ending love for each other but…DUN DUN DUNNNNNN, the worst happens and Billy just isn’t in love with Jess like he thought he was. So he breaks up with her. He spends a month or two without her and realizes he has an emptiness in his life. So on his knees he begs for forgiveness, confesses his love for Jess and she takes him back. She does.

A month later, Jess realizes she is focusing too much on her relationship and social life and needs some “Jess time” to get her life in order and focus on her education and career. So Jess breaks up with Billy. Months go by and Billy finds himself a few different girlfriends, unknown that Jess has been paying attention. She longs for what the girls have and apologizes, begging for Billy to take her back. He does.

This goes on a lot in their relationship for the next few months, Each one finds a reason to leave the other and then wants to go back. What you have here is not a case of love and indecisiveness, but a case of addiction and fear. Addiction to having an SO and fear of being single. It isn’t that these two don’t love each other, that could very well be a factor. But their love for each other never was, is not, and never will be the kind of love soul mates share. They may love the other as a sibling, a crush, or simply as the role they are playing, in this case, boy/girlfriend.

This isn’t to say the ones who break up and get back together constantly don’t get married. Because they do, and I’ve seen it happen numerous times. But, like their relationship before saying their vows, their marriage is short lived and either ends in divorce or unofficial separation. Is this any way to live? I can’t imagine how it would be to constantly be “in and out of love,” especially when children might be involved down the line.

The key to living a long and purpose-driven life is to be happy. Some people are happy being miserable, I understand this. But if you are one of the few whom like being happy…don’t settle for a roller coaster relationship. Because if you or your partner isn’t worth the time and energy to stick it out and solve your problems, you both don’t really love each other the way it was intended.

I am not religious, but there are many things to be said about love. None are as true as this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13 4-8

If you cannot say that your love has persevered and has never failed, you need to move on until you find someone worth keeping and who holds you with the same regard.

Stray strong and love on!

Why People Say Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work

Browsing the internet and listening to people talk in person can bring about many different spectrums and beliefs about people in long distance relationships and long distance relationships alone. One of the most common things I see and hear is that “Long distance relationships r a load of crok!” “If u hve a internet bf or gf ur a loser! Get a lyfe!” Not only does it pain me to see such grammatical errors, but it also hurts to see just how ignorant and intolerant most others are about something that doesn’t affect them in the least. So why do they both even forming an opinion? Why do they hate long distance relationships and those who are in them? I’ll tell you why.

My name is John and I hate every single one of you.

All memes and jokes aside, this is John. John hates you, and John hates the internet. John spends his days moping and worrying about when he’s going to get his next alcohol fix and why his babe is taking so long to text him back. He spends his nights bumming off other people, getting drunk, starting fights, and getting his bitch to blow him, because…you know, shit is SO cash.

John worries about swag and how fast his girlfriend-of-a-week’s fake tan is fading. He has no room in his mind to consider anything other than the front of his nose, no matter how faded his vision might be. He is superficial, shallow, and most importantly…a Guido.

John is the kind of person who hates people in long distance relationships. He is one of many who think they have life figured out. These people who spread so much hate around the world have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about what even normal relationships entail. Love, to them, is a four letter word they use to get their partner in bed.  Love is something they call the lust they have for another. Heartbreak is something they experience when their partner moves on to someone who’s “way totally fresh” and has “so much more swag.” Down on their luck is when they find themselves out of their allowance money for the week so now they have to call a friend who they “so dissed” last week and beg for forgiveness and offer to go celebrating on the other’s tab.

The simple reason for why most of these people do not accept, tolerate, or understand REAL long distance relationships is that because of their own selfishness and shallowness, they are unable to experience the same happiness they see us in.

It’s not about “having a life” or “being totally cool, bro,” but for the fact that they hate to see other people happy. Those of us in long distance relationships have something they might never find until they get their act together and realize they’re not fooling anyone. They hate because we can love without being physical. They hate because we can have a conversation with our boyfriends or girlfriends without it turning into a drunken argument about wearing condoms. They hate because we don’t.

And then there are those who have experienced a long distance relationship when it wasn’t meant for them. They did not consider all of the factors and jumped into something much too “out there” for them to handle. For one reason or another, it didn’t work out and they’re stuck in a world where if it didn’t work for them, it can’t work for anyone else. They’re hatred is much like John’s…but they are more likely than not your run-of-the-mill productive member of society.

There are many other reasons people hate LDR’s and those in them. But there’s nothing wrong with loving…

Stay strong and love on!

Do’s and Don’ts for When Things Don’t Go as Planned

I write this today with a heavy heart, as my family has just received terrible news…so after pondering what my next blog post should be I figured I might as well write something fresh on the brain.

Sometimes in life…things just don’t work out. For one reason or another, big or small, they just don’t. For me, this seems to happen every time I make a decision. In this particular situation, it’s the sudden dropping of plans that you might have been waiting for, for years…plans that gave you hope, that gave you a reason to wake up in the morning and face the day, even though you knew it had nothing positive to offer. And now that they’re gone, there’s nothing you, or your lover, can do about it.

What you CAN do and what you SHOULDN’T do though, are very important. I’ve compiled a few Do’s and Don’ts that I’ve learned from and should probably follow right now:

Do express your feelings.

Don’t let emotion build up.

Do talk to others about what is going on, sometimes it takes more than yourself to heal a broken heart. Don’t go to others who will selfishly lead you in the wrong direction.

Do know what you want in life.

Don’t mold your life around the appeasement of others.

Do build your plans up again.

Don’t place it on a back burner and then turn off the fire.

Do write a list of reasons why you should hang on.

Don’t dwell on reasons why you should give up.

Do wake up in the morning, get dressed, and continue about your day.

Don’t stay in bed and wallow.

Do go for a walk in the sunlight.

Don’t watch TV in a dark house.

Do call up your friends and spontaneously go out for a night on the town.

Don’t shut out your entire social life.

Do remember to eat normally.

Don’t starve yourself or binge eat.

Do drink and medicate responsibly.

Don’t go overboard.

Do be happy that you now have another opportunity to change things.

It’s not every day we get to do this.

Stay strong and love on!

How to Stay Happy while being Apart

Those of us in a long distance relationship probably know the joy and excitement from those rare times when you actually get when you see your special someone. But for as long as you waited to see them, the time unfairly passes by so quick that the next thing you know you’re in line at the airport thinking “how did I get here?”

The trip back is absolutely horrendous. You’ve maybe only just said your goodbyes and you’re already missing them. Then you need to go through security, deal with airport people, lug your carryon down long corridors to get to your gate, wait forever to get on the damn plane, squeeze into a tiny seat next to a sweaty fat guy who is already asleep and wait an hour on the runway before you are finally on your way home.

And if it hasn’t already happened yet, the pain sets in. You see your SO’s town, city...maybe even country fade away into the distance. For me, the pain from this is always excruciating, especially if I don’t know if that’s the last time I’ll ever see him. People in in-person relationships think its hard then their lover goes on a trip for the weekend, but that honestly just pales in comparison. The feeling is like having someone rip open your chest, take their rusty knife and just go to town. It’s neither fun nor pleasant, nor is the stares you get from people with your red shot eyes (if you’re like me and can’t help but let the tears flow.) Which reminds me…

If you enjoy some good music and don’t already have it, download some Jason Mraz. I never do this kind of traveling without my Mr. AZ album. 

Anyways, when you get back home the reality REALLY sets in. You’re tired, so damn tired, can’t cry anymore and now you have either an empty house or a family telling you how much they missed you and how you belong with them. All you want to do is curl up with your love, but you can’t. So you go to sleep (or try to) alone, and you wake up alone. The next few days are the hardest, and then normal life starts back up. Still alone.

But how can I stay happy? How can I continue like nothing has happened? If it’s the first time you’ve done this…I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry. I can say it gets a LITTLE easier the more you do it…a LITTLE. But there are things you can do to liven your spirit and stay happy during your time away, for however long it may be.

First, get busy. The worst thing you can do is sit and do nothing all day, because your SO is all you’re going to think about and all its going to do is be torture. So find something to do, if you have a job take on an extra project. Volunteer at a hospital or an animal shelter, do all you can to get your mind off the pain.

This will get you through the first week or two, which are the most crucial at getting back to “normal” life. During all of this…talk to your SO. Let him/her know what you’re going through and remember that you aren’t alone, he or she is going through the same thing as well. It helps to get your feelings out instead of holding them in, because they’ll build up and explode as a different emotion at a later time…not good.

Lastly, start making your next plans. Even if you don’t have the money to do anything official yet, it doesn’t hurt to talk about what you want to do when you get back together. If you can, set a date and count down. My fiancée likes to think it’s bad luck, but it helps me to be able to have something to look forward to, to work towards, and it significantly helps me get through whatever length of time we spend apart.

Stay strong and love on!

5 Inexpensive Gift Ideas

Having trouble deciding what to get your SO this year? Money problems? Here, let me get you your membership card! More and more of us are having this problem, so the “cheap gift” idea is nothing new, especially in long distance relationships (hey, we have to pay for shipping and insurance, you know)! What you can do, though, is get him or her something you’ll both love. Your SO will love it because it is meaningful, you’ll love it because it didn’t cost you an arm and a leg!!

1.       Think Unique. We all have the ideas of iProducts and gaming systems, but what really says you care is something he or she can show off that nobody else will have.  My advice? Browse your local flea market, second-hand store and antique store. Here at my local flea market, The Hartville Marketplace, there are tons of stores run by local people who sell one-of-a-kind pieces, often homemade. How many of your friends can say they have a handmade Native American pipe with real deer antlers and real feathers? 

Yep, I searched high and low but found this amazing piece for next to nothing.

2.       Get Personal. Nothing says I love you more than a poem straight from the heart. Your feelings are free, and paper and a frame can stay under $5. If you don’t have the know-how to create a beautiful picture of your feelings worthy of framing, you can always Google for a design creator or commission me for a measly $5. (Yeah, I had to! Fiverr.com/EthaNox)

3.       Adopt. This may be edging on pricey, but I’m including it anyways. If your SO is a planet or animal lover like me, this is a very touching and thoughtful gift. You can symbolically adopt an animal through WorldWildlife.Org for as little as $25. This is a great gift idea and is something your love can show off and proudly display in his/her home, while simultaneously working towards saving endangered animals.

4.       Get. Damn. Sexy!! We’ve all seen the tacky ribbons girls put on themselves as a “gift”…but it’s not as tacky when you get down to it! Whether you’re a woman or a man, let your present be YOU! Write your lover sexy coupons for anything he or she will enjoy and that you feel comfortable letting them cash in on.

Not into that phase of your relationship yet? Write coupons for everyday nice things. Like a foot or back rub, breakfast in bed, walk at the park, letting them choose the next movie…whatever would please them!

5.       COOK! I don’t know about you and yours, but my fiancée and I are a bunch of fatties that LOVE FOOD. What is the best, most inexpensive way to treat him or her to a nice meal or dessert without the pricey bill? Do it yourself. There are literally millions and millions of recipes online for completely unique food and treats you can make from what you probably already have in your cupboards. Completely homemade, I-spent-all-day-in-the-kitchen food is like nothing else, and might end up being a tradition of sorts. My advice? Go crazy and cover everything in chocolate…or make some of those cake pops…

Mmm I'm getting hungry already.

Whatever gift you decide to get, remember that it’s not how expensive something is that matters, it’s the thought, time and effort you put into getting them something. Do something memorable this year.

Stay strong and love on!

Why Long-Distance Relationships are NOT for Everyone

In this world, it’s no doubt that the Internet has controlled our lives. Social media is growing stronger every day, and it is estimated that 955 MILLION people have active Facebook accounts, all around the world. A new dating website pops up what seems to be every hour, and through the media and peer pressure, people as young as 10 feel it necessary to be in a relationship. But even though we might be connected to the world, it is important to understand why dating someone on the other side of the planet might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

PDA and Intimacy: If you’re like most people, public displays of affection can be hard to see if you are single. It can be even harder to see if you indeed have a special someone but are just too far away to enjoy simple intimate moments. A LOT of people need to feel and touch each other, need to see their facial expressions, see into their eyes, use body language to express themselves…simply be TOGETHER. 

It’s definitely no surprise that you can’t do this when you’re in a long distance relationship. You can’t walk or drive to your lover’s house, you sometimes can’t even pick up the phone and just call them, lest you be left with a staggering phone bill. If you are someone who needs to SEE and BE with that special someone, I’m going to tell you right now that Skype is nothing in comparison. You might be able to see them, but that’s all you can do. And depending on the quality of internet and webcam, you might end up just having to have a broken voice conversation or spend all night staring at blurry pixels.

Time: FACT: Relationships take time. Any good relationship starts off with talking and develops first into a friendship and then to romance. In my opinion, this natural, face-to-face relationship “course” should take AT LEAST 6 months to reach the maturity of a relationship (where you decide if this is someone you want to be seriously involved with). Long distance relationships, however, take a lot more time to go through these stages. For me, it took an entire year of talking, getting to know each other, and actually falling in love. It wasn’t until 3 years into our relationship that I personally decided he was the one for me. 

Because you can’t be with someone, it takes you longer to get to know them. You don’t always have the pleasure of just seeing them. You have to wait until they’re available (mind the time zones) and even then they might have things going on or just not have the time to talk. Sometimes you’ll have time to talk for hours every day, and other times you might only hear from them a few times a week. In order to build a strong relationship, you have to know them, and talking is the only way to do that.

Cheating & Getting Hit On: This is a big one for a lot of people, especially those who don’t care for long distance relationships. Time and time again when someone asked about my boyfriend I would hear: “Well how do you know he’s not cheating on you? I’ll bet he is!!” To which I calmly shook my head and let it pass. First of all, if you’ve followed the natural time frame of getting to know your long distance SO, you should be able to know if they are cheating on you or not. SHOULD.

Yes, the naysayers are correct. You can NEVER know…but, then again, neither can your partner. Relationships take faith, even your run-of-the-mill in-person relationships. It is in my experience that those who are dedicated to their long distance relationship are also devoted to their SO. Why put so much work into something when you’re just going to fool around in person with someone else? It’s too much trouble for some, and most couldn’t even fathom the thought (you know, morals?). 

That being said, it is also important to remember that you also cannot stray (unless you are both in open relationships, but that’s a whole other story). We’ve ALL felt this: You’re single and nobody pays any bit of attention to you. You’re in a relationship and the mob forms in your favor. What?! Well, yeah. It’s no different, and might even be harder for those of us in long distant relationships because we can’t say “I’m here with my boy/girlfriend.” We LOOK single but ARE in a relationship…for some, that is just sexy as hell and they’ll do whatever it takes to get you in bed for a one night stand. If they find out you’re in a long distant relationship, they’ll play that to their advantage.

My advice? Go out with a good friend who is willing to play your SO, never mention to random people that you are in a long distance relationship, and NEVER listen to them if they find out. Keep your priorities in line, because this can be one of the hardest things for people craving the warmth and touch of another.

Friends, Family & Support: This is a biggie. Many people who have in person relationships have tons of support from their family and friends. After all, you can show off your SO, mix and mingle your own friends, introduce your family…anything! You can get real opinions about them, your best friend can see things you can’t, your family can approve or disapprove. This is NOT the case in a long distance relationship.

Most of the time, and this is the sad truth, nobody will support you. If you share this information willingly you WILL get stares, you WILL get laughs, people WILL talk about you behind your back, and you WILL get labeled everything under the sun. Your own family might doubt you. Your friends will try to convince you that you somehow “deserve better.” Despite all of this, though, a few people will pull through for you. These ones are worth their weight in gold and are few and far between.

So before you decide that you would like to start a long distance relationship with anyone, consider these factors. It may be years between seeing your SO, and a computer is not that much of a loving piece of hardware. Long distance relationships work for so many, but can ruin others’ lives. If you are on the fence about this, seriously consider what I’ve written today and take as long as you need to make that decision, nobody is rushing you.

Stay strong and love on!